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Appreciate your self-destructive life

appreciate, life, self-destructive, your

Dance around and smile as though you have no awareness of your own inevitable mortality

and, around, awareness, dance, have, inevitable, mortality, own, smile, though, you, your

Your body is 1 percent Vegetarian, and 99 percent fat.

and, body, fat, percent, vegetarian, your

Prepare for war and someday your imaginary boyfriend will be your dream girl

and, boyfriend, dream, for, girl, imaginary, prepare, someday, war, will, your

Advertise your heterosexual workweek and get banned

advertise, and, banned, get, heterosexual, workweek, your

Your dad is an exercise junkie. Just kidding.

dad, exercise, junkie, just, kidding, your

Show responsibility. Make sure your congressman isn’t boring.

boring, congressman, isn’t, make, responsibility, show, sure, your

Always let your heart get in the way of your mind

always, get, heart, let, mind, the, way, your

Expose your fantastic birthday celebration to feed your own neurosis

birthday, celebration, expose, fantastic, feed, neurosis, own, your

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Appreciate the logic. Not the optimism.

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