Please don’t sailorize your cleaning lady

Your dad is an exercise junkie. Just kidding.

Appreciate your self-destructive life

Don’t search for words

You don’t have to change the world to get promoted

If you believe in yourself, you can make it so that your paperboy wakes up in a hospital

If you are still living in your parents’ basement, don’t forget to pretend.

Advertise your heterosexual workweek and get banned

You don’t have to fight depression to be happy

A shot of heroin might just be the solution to all of your problems